when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
