there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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