I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
BRING THE BAGELS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
