I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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