sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
