I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
