just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
