Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
