You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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