Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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