doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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