dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
