bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
