is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
