i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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