They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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