I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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