i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
