come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
