Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
