his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
