i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
