sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
