Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
