Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
