Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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