Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
