Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
