I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
