Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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