I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
