i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
