I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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