So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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