What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
