Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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