His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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