I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
