Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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