Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
