I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
