Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The air was thick with penises
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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