meet me or not, i'm out of control
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
