hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
