i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
