So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
