I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
