I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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