I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
