when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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