my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
