one might say we're banned from that church
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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