i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
