you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
