if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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