problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a search helicopter?!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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